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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719149">When the Pain Fades</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JSwander/pseuds/JSwander'>JSwander</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Soulmate-Identifying Marks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:12:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JSwander/pseuds/JSwander</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He understood why it was done, of course. All Jedi permanently concealed their soulmarks once they became padawan learners. It was a representation of their sacrifice of personal attachments to achieve a higher level of connection with the unifying force. He understood. It still hurt.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>440</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When the Pain Fades</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It will stop hurting soon.”</p><p>Qui-Gon sat beside a young Obi-Wan Kenobi on the roof of the temple.</p><p>“I know master.” He said thickly, putting on his bravest face. Qui-Gon didn't bother reciting the reasoning. The refusal of attachments, commitment to the force and all that. Of all the Jedi practices he contested, this was the one he privately considered to be the most cruel.</p><p>“Here, look,” He said quietly. He pulled back the sleeve of his robes, revealing the plan black band that wrapped around his forearm. “You and I match now.”</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan held up his own arm, the tattoo still shiny and red-rimmed. He could still see his mark beneath it plainly in his mind's eye. He felt its loss as if he had lost a limb, the ache deep and simmering in his gut. He understood why it was done, of course. All Jedi permanently concealed their soulmarks once they became padawan learners. It was a representation of their sacrifice of personal attachments to achieve a higher level of connection with the unifying force.</p><p>He understood. It still hurt.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>In due time, his skin healed and the pain faded. Over the years, the sight of the black band of the Jedi would replace the soulmark as a normal part of him, the identifying mark of his position within the Jedi order.</p><p>He didn't miss it, he told himself.</p><p>It was a meaningless thing anyway. In a system so large, it was more common to never meet one's soulmate than to do so.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, he couldn't deny a sort of vicious satisfaction standing side-by-side with his master, sharing the same brand as himself – as the rest of the Jedi order. Here there was belonging, structure, family. And that was enough.</p><p> </p><p>It was enough.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You should be resting, Anakin.” Obi-Wan passed by the small alcove of the ship, where the small boy that his master picked up on Tattooine was tucked away.</p><p>“You're awake.” Anakin pointed out, not looking up from the small white object he was fiddling with.</p><p>“Who gave you a knife?” Obi-Wan said with mild alarm.</p><p>“I... brought it from home.” He said sheepishly, trying to hide both objects under his crossed legs. “Please don't tell Master Qui-Gon, sir. I know he told me not to bring anything, but-”</p><p>“Anakin, if you want to be a Jedi, you're going to have to learn to let go of your material possessions.” He sat down on the bench across from the boy. “You're going to find that out when you begin training, the other Jedi are not going to be as lenient as Master Qui-Gon about these things.”</p><p>“I know, I'm sorry Master.”</p><p>“I'm not a Master.” Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes tiredly. He glanced back to the boy. “What else do you have there?”</p><p>Anakin took out the small token.</p><p>“It's from the Japor tree. My mom says that if you carve your soulmark onto it, then the one you give it to will keep you in their hearts... even if they're far away.”</p><p>Obi-Wan was half-listening, half considering if he should meditate or try a cup of tea to settle his nerves. The close call with the stranger in the black robes still had him feeling uneasy.</p><p>“That's a lovely sentiment.” He murmured, straying a glance over at the carving.</p><p>Immediately, his stomach went from vaguely queasy to feeling entirely empty. His head felt light, the ground fallen out beneath him.</p><p>“Give me that.” He reached out, taking the wooden token.</p><p>It had been years. He told himself he didn't mind, that he barely remembered the symbol anymore. This it seemed, was a lie. A circle, inside a crescent moon, inside of a square.</p><p>He saw it every day for the first twelve years of his life.</p><p>“I'm not that good at carving, but I think I did a good job.”</p><p>Before Obi-Wan could stop him, Anakin shucked back his sleeve, holding up the symbol that marked him as the man's soulmate.</p><p> </p><p>In that moment, Obi-Wan couldn't help but hate him - just a little.</p><p>Soulmates were rare, sung about in old songs and depicted in grand epic tales. They weren't meant to be scrawny, homesick nine-year-olds.</p><p>When he saw the Japor snippet, Obi-Wan couldn't help but feel a surge of wild jealousy.</p><p><em>This is mine!</em> He wanted to rage. <em>You have no right to it!</em></p><p>The idea of some handmaiden from Naboo walking around with <em>his </em>soulmark, the very one that had been taken from him nearly made him feel nauseous with envy and disdain.</p><p>“Kenobi, sir?” Anakin leaned forward. His expression was pinched in a grimace. “I... I did something wrong again, didn't I? Please don't tell Master Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan couldn't even look at Anakin, his fist very tight on the token. “But... please, I want to give it to Padme. Can't it be our secret?”</p><p> </p><p>With a lump in his throat and a lead heart, Obi-Wan placed the snippet heavily on the table, and left without another word.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, feeling such things was absurd for a Jedi, and yet he could not release them into the Force with any amount of effort. Obi-Wan felt lost, adrift. He trailed after Qui-Gon, hoping to get a moment alone with him to confide in him what he saw. But with everything going on and the ensuing battle, it seemed like such a comparatively small matter to discuss. He could set this aside for now. Later, there would be time.</p><p> </p><p>The final confrontation on Naboo occurred.</p><p>Suddenly, there was no time left at all.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan mourned.</p><p>He reluctantly took on Anakin as his apprentice, driven by his master's dying request.</p><p>It was easier for Obi-Wan to put it all behind him than he had initially thought. With the Japor snippet gone, and Anakin's soul mark tattooed over in turn it became far easier for Obi-Wan to set his feelings aside. The secret of their soulmarks was carefully placed into the box of thoughts and considerations unsuitable for a Jedi, tucked away in the back of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>It was particularly easy to do when his apprentice was such an exhausting, aggravating whirlwind of a padawan. Anakin grew quickly, taking on new challenges and mastering new skills at a pace that could almost be considered alarming. The whispered prophecy of the Chosen One trailed after him like a glittering cape, as he transitioned from boyhood into early manhood.</p><p>He was reckless, cocksure, and downright maddening at times to try and mold into the semblance of a respectable Jedi.</p><p> </p><p>During meditative sessions, Obi-Wan pondered the merit of the mythos behind soulmates in general. Was it possible the entire legend was some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy? Two individuals caught up in the grandeur of their meeting that they could live a harmonious, blissful life together of of that pure kinetic energy alone? It wasn't too difficult to accept, especially when Obi-Wan was already on the lookout a simple solution that fit into his comfortable narrative.</p><p>Anakin continued to bloom and thrive into adulthood. Seemingly overnight, he was quite distinctly taller than his master – to Anakin's endless delight. In time, his body caught up with his growth spurt. His shoulders squared, muscles developed. Awkward, gangly limbs were honed and filled out by lean muscle. He moved with a fluid, feline grace in battle, his movements precise to the point of extrasensory, the beloved Force's child.</p><p>At least in some matters.</p><p>Watching him stumble and stammer over Padme Amidala had been endlessly entertaining.</p><p>Obi-Wan's eyes didn't stray furiously over her being for any hint of a white token.</p><p>No, of course not.</p><p>She probably didn't even keep it. Why would she?</p><p>It wasn't her soul mark.</p><p>Grandmaster Yoda's solo assignment for Anakin had been an uncomfortable reminder that their time together as Master and padawan was swiftly drawing to a close. The thought played in the back of his mind during the quiet moments of rest that he was able to steal during his pursuit of the bounty hunter. He had considered prior to this that Anakin would soon make a fine Jedi Knight, but the notion of Anakin no longer at his side... troubled him.</p><p>Anakin belonged at his side.</p><p> </p><p>After the battle on Geonosis, Obi-Wan woke up in a bacta tank that had been used to treat the injuries he had obtained during his pitifully brief battle with Dooku.</p><p>“This was hardly necessary.” Obi-Wan groused to the medical droid, getting dressed in the medical bay. “Where is Anakin? Is he alright?”</p><p>“Skywalker woke up some time before you did.” The medican droid handed him his robes, neatly pressed and laundered. “The lightsaber wound cauterized his arm on impact. As a result, healing-”</p><p>Obi-Wan tuned the droid out. His arm.</p><p>The medical droid quickly maneuvered to help Obi-Wan sit down as his knees nearly gave way. The crushing wave disappointment and shame rushed over him.</p><p>He was the one who insisted Anakin confront Dooku alongside him.</p><p>He should have gone alone.</p><p>It was reckless and arrogant to put him in that sort of danger.</p><p>“- Clearly need more time to recuperate,” The medical droid was still droning on. “I will alert the Jedi temple that your arrival will be delayed in order to facilitate more time to heal.”</p><p>“<em>Where is Anakin?</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin Skywalker is receiving additional treatment on Naboo.” The droid informed him, a veneer of irritation in its mechanical voice. “He was in need of more advanced facilities who would be able to outfit him with a replacement arm.”</p><p>The thought struck him as odd. Certainly, Naboo was a sufficiently advanced system that would be able to provide Anakin with a proper prosthetic, but he did not see how this would warrant him separating from the convoy heading back to Coruscant to debrief and receive new orders – especially after all that had transpired. If there was to be a war, this was no time for detours. In all rights, Anakin should have had his arm stabilized on the ship to away further treatment on Coruscant.</p><p>“Alert the hangar that I will need a vessel prepped-”</p><p>“-I am a <em>medical droid</em>-”</p><p>“And that I will be delayed in rejoining on Coruscant with my Padawan.”</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan had barely entered the atmosphere of Naboo when he felt the saturated pressure of the Force singing in the back of his mind. It wasn't a warning or alarm, but rather the electric sensation of gossamer threads in the Force weaving and converging around a single point looming before him. Obi-Wan had heard Mace Windu before discuss the concept of <em>shatterpoints</em>, although he understood them to be a complex and elusive phenomena never personally encountered.</p><p>It wasn't a warning, he knew how to read those through the Force well enough. This wasn't a resonance of anything inherently bad or good, light or dark. But something undeniably <em>important</em>, at the source of which was Anakin Skywalker.</p><p> </p><p>With no coordinates, clues or directions, Obi-Wan nonetheless was able to make an effortless beeline to an elegant lakeside estate, tucked in a valley quiet and still in the early morning twilight.</p><p>A protocol droid shuffled out to meet him.</p><p>“Ah! You must be Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. My name is C3PO, Human Cyborg-”</p><p>“Is Anakin Skywalker here?”</p><p>“He has told me <em>so very much </em>about you-”</p><p>“Take me to him, please.”</p><p>“Yes of course! He will be most pleased that you can join him on this very special day.”</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan – having had quite enough droids for one day didn't quite listen as the protocol droid led him through the beautiful manor, up a flight of elegant carved stairs to a guest suite to his wayward padawan.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the early hours of the morning, Anakin was thrumming with a sort of frantic energy.</p><p>“Master,” Obi-Wan had to commend his ability to plainly show so many emotions all at once. Relief, confusion, panic. Anger.</p><p>It made sense. If it weren't for Obi-Wan, he would still have his flesh-and-blood arm, rather than the spidery mechanical construct he now wore awkwardly. There would be an impossibly long trek ahead of him to reclaim his skills with the lightsaber. If I was anyone else, Obi-Wan wasn't sure it could be possible.</p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I think a better question is, what are <em>you </em>doing here, padawan?” Obi-Wan folded his hands in his robes, watching Anakin squirm nervously.</p><p>“My arm-”</p><p>“Could have been much better seen to on Coruscant, where you have all of your own tools and equipment to modify much better models of replacement limbs.” Obi-Wan finished. Losing one's arm was a devastating and dire tragedy, but he had no doubt that Anakin had already come up with half a dozen revolutionary ideas to modify whatever replacement limb he might be outfitted with from the time he work up in the medical bay.</p><p>“Why did you leave the transport ship bringing us back to Coruscant from Geonosis?”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin's ears went pink, his expression shifting into the petulant scowl he'd become familiar with during their years of training.</p><p>“That's none of your business,” He mumbled, setting Obi-Wan's hackles up immediately.</p><p>“I beg your pardon?”</p><p>“I'm completing my mission in seeing to Padme's safety by escorting her back to her home world.”</p><p>“Well, I'm glad you've honed your skills at coming up with reasonable lies that will impress the Council. You mean to tell me that <em>now</em> you care about your mission?” Obi-Wan felt a surprising flair of anger well up in him, but couldn't quite manage to stop himself. “Do tell me, where was this mission-focused model of a padawan when you took Padme off to your home planet Tattooine? When you further disobeyed orders to <em>remain there</em> and took her further into harm's way on Geonosis?”</p><p> </p><p>“We went to Geonosis for you!” Anakin yelled, leaping to his feet. “I was trying to save your life, master!”</p><p>“And a fine job-!”</p><p>“-Don't!” Rather than continuing to yell, Anakin's voice broke suddenly. The tension and rage that had been suddenly building burst like a bubble. He crumpled, grabbing the back of his chair where he stood as if for support, his mechanical arm hung limply at his side.</p><p>“I know, I failed.” His voice sounded very weak and tired. “I wasn't good enough. I've... never been good enough. But I <em>tried, </em>master.”</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan's heart lurched, briefly struck dumb at the raw display of vulnerability that he hadn't seen from Anakin in years.</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin...” He walked forward, bracing his arm on his padawan's shoulder. Anakin leaned into the touch desperately. “Tell me what this is really all about. Please.” He added, softly.</p><p>“You know,”</p><p>“I really don't.”</p><p>“You knew the entire time.”</p><p>“Anakin, what are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm talking about <em>this!”</em> Anakin grabbed the hand on his shoulder, yanking Obi-Wan. After so many hours immersed in the bacta tanks, the extraordinary fluid had busily seen to his damaged skin.</p><p>The tattoo on Obi-Wan's forearm had faded from a solid black band to a much thinner grey. Through it, one could plainly see the shadow of Obi-Wan's soul, a perfect mirror of Anakin's own.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember being unable to sleep that night.” Anakin released Obi-Wan's arm, turning away from him. “That first night away from home. So many things had changed, but the thing that worried me most was that I could <em>sense </em>how angry I had managed to make you.” Anakin's jaw was clenched tight, staring out the window and over the beautiful vista.</p><p>“I couldn't imagine why, what I could have done. That was practically our first ever real conversation. Now I do.” His eyes were glassy. “You couldn't stand the thought of me as your soulmate.”</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan was left agape. Anakin was watching him desperately, daring him to refute it.</p><p>“That was... a very long time ago.” He breathed out. “Anakin, you were carving a pendant of my – of <em>our </em>mark for Padme.” He struggled to keep his voice composed. The words felt heavy and bulky to say out loud. “You can hardly preach to me that you were suffering from unrequited <em>love at first sight.”</em></p><p>“That's not what I meant!” Anakin huffed childishly, wringing the back of the chair again. “You knew this entire time! Why didn't you ever say anything?”</p><p>“Ever say anything?” Obi-Wan almost laughed as he spoke. “Anakin, the Jedi code on personal attachments does not have an exception clause for soulmates!”</p><p>“Well it should!” He threw his arms up in exasperation. “Soulmarks are older than the Jedi order, they've been around forever! They have no right-!”</p><p>“-Alright, <em>fine.</em>” Obi-Wan cut him off, his voice very cold. “Would you like another reason then? Let me name a few,” Anakin braced himself as if for a physical blow.</p><p> </p><p>“How about the fact that you are still only barely of age? That you are my <em>responsibility</em>. I was not about to take a nine-year old child newly separated from his family and take away what little agency that he had left by telling him that I, a man more than twice his age was his <em>soulmate?”</em></p><p>Anakin's eyes were wide, his mouth shut tight. Obi-Wan touched their bond, hearing the echos of what he had expected to hear;</p><p>
  <em>Immature.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Inadequate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Qui-Gon Jinn – I never wanted to train you – never could love you – you don't deserve it – slaughtered them like animals – you're a disgrace of a Jedi – !</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Anakin,” </em>Obi-Wan surged forward, grasping Anakin's cheek with one hand, the other the back of his neck as he tried to flinch away from the affection he desperately craved.</p><p>“You are an exceptional Jedi,” He breathed, his eyes wide. “You're... a brilliant pilot. A gifted fighter. As my padawan, you have my entire confidence. Quite soon I expect, I will be honored to have you at my side as a Knight.”</p><p>A wary shiver of elation fluttered across their bond. Obi-Wan privately and grimly acknowledged he probably could have said this more often over the years.</p><p> </p><p>“But when we return to Coruscant, I will need to have my tattoo amended and this matter must be forgotten.”</p><p>“I can't.” Anakin said through his teeth, closing the small distance between them. “Can't you understand that?”</p><p>“Fine.” Obi-Wan conceded. He knew quite well asking him to do anything otherwise would be a lesson in futility. “But you cannot ask me to be anything but your master and a <em>brother</em>-” He braced his hand against Anakin's chest, the two quite close now. “To my <em>padawan. </em>Is this understood?”</p><p>“Padawan, alright.” Anakin murmured, looking thoughtful. The sly smile that followed was far too conspiratorial for his liking. “I suppose I can wait that long.”</p><p>Obi-Wan sighed, feeling rather drained.</p><p>“That's not what I meant.”</p><p>“It's alright, master.” The hairs on Obi-Wan's neck stood on end as Anakin braced his hand around the back of his head, keeping him from pulling away “I promise, I won't speak of it to anyone. But I want something in return.”</p><p>“Anakin,”</p><p>“Kiss me.”</p><p>“Did you not hear what I just said?” Obi-Wan said in alarm.</p><p>“I won't be able to stop thinking about it otherwise.” He argued, shifting forward. When had Anakin gotten taller than him? He was able box him in so easily, crowd into his space.</p><p>“Don't you want to know what it's like to kiss your soulmate? Just once?”</p><p>Anakin's Force signature had flared to life through their bond. It had been so quiet since they parted ways back on Coruscant. It had changed, somehow. Was it always so bright? There were brilliant notes and echoes here, desire and passion that had suddenly emerged like wild flowers after a hard rain.</p><p> </p><p>“I do-” He breathed. Before he could say anything else, elation bloomed hot in his mind. Anakin surged forward seizing an untidy, demanding kiss. Their teeth clashed. Obi-Wan sensed with alarm he only had a few moments before a tongue would be shoved unceremoniously into his mouth. Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin by the back of the neck, yanking him back.</p><p>“You said-!”</p><p>“You are a <em>terrible </em>kisser, Anakin. Was that your first one?”</p><p>“No.” Anakin said petulantly, his face going bright red.</p><p>“<em>Relax. </em>You will follow my lead”</p><p>If it was to be their only kiss, Obi-Wan assumed it was only right as his Master to make it a learning experience. Obi-Wan guided Anakin in a gentler pace now, directing his mouth with his own, urging him through their bond to take his lead. A soft graze of tongues, his teeth nipped gentle on Anakin's lower lip. Anakin melted against him, the warm blaze of his signature in the force tempered against the cool steadiness of Obi-Wan's own.</p><p>The shatterpoints sang around them as they fit into place together.</p><p>When Obi-Wan parted them, his padawan was breathless, emanating contentment. A coil of satisfaction and desire, a flickering undercurrent of something that resembled a dark, fierce possessiveness.</p><p> </p><p>“Our presence is going to be missed on Coruscant,” Obi-Wan said surprised to find himself quite breathless as well. “We should return to the ship.”</p><p>“You go first, master. I'll be right behind you.”</p><p>Obi-Wan gave him a careful look.</p><p>“What did you do?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The last time I saw that look on your face you had just crashed-landed Master Plo-Koon's ship. Again. You're either in a great deal of trouble, or you're about to be.” He was pleased at how easily the two of them were able to slot back into their usual light bickering.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to talk to Padme. I need to apologize.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking so helplessly dismayed Obi-Wan couldn't help but to take pity.</p><p>“Padme is resilient, Anakin. While she may be shaken, from what I saw her trials on Geonosis will leave no lasting damage. Still, I'm sure she will appreciate your candor.” He nodded, folding his hands in his robes. “I will wait for you on the ship.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin was gone quite some time for someone who was only meant to be saying goodbye. Nearly three-quarters of an hour later, Anakin returned, looking glassy-eyed. Even without the bond, Obi-Wan could sense the roiling of guilt and hurt pouring off of his poor padawan, though it lifted significantly when he joined Obi-Wan in the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>There was a suspiciously hand-shaped welt forming on his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Do I want to ask?”</p><p>“Please don't.”</p><p>“Very well then.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin sighed in very plain relief as the ship took off.</p><p>After they settled into hyperspace, Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair – straddling the line between mediation and sleep.</p><p>It had been a very long few days.</p><p>The shatterpoints had settled. The electric agitation in the force was at ease.</p><p>Distantly, he was aware of cautious fingertips stroking his arm, tracing the pattern of the soul bond there.</p><p>Qui-Gon was right, it didn't hurt anymore.</p>
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